Terence began counseling with me mainly because Wendy, his girlfriend of 14 years, had just expressed to him that she wanted to end their relationship. Terence, terrified of being alone, was panicked.

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Within a few minutes of speaking with him in a phone session, I understood specifically the underlying cause of their relationship difficulties.

Terence, coming from a household where he suffered much neglect, had a deep abandonment fear. In his family, Terence had learned to be a caretaker, giving himself up and taking care of everyone else's feelings and requirements.

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Terence had learned to put his own feelings in a closet, hoping that if he took care of everybody else, a person would care about him. As an adult, he continued in this pattern, taking care of his wife and children but completely neglecting to take care of himself.

As a result, he was usually very angry at Wendy and his kids when they didn't pay attention to him or approve of him. Folks usually end up treating us the way we treat ourselves. Simply because Terence was treating himself as if he was unimportant, Terence and his children also treated him as if he was insignificant.

A split up doesn't has to be long-lasting. It's easy to feel miserable during and after a difficult split, but it doesn't need to be that way. Remembering that "this, as well, could pass" can help you keep yourself on an even keel as you work to bring back your old relationship.

I ended up working with both Wendy and Terence.

Through working with the Six Step Inner Bonding method that we teach, Terence learned to address his abandonment feelings himself rather than going after Wendy or his children when these feelings came up.

He found that he was being self-responsible rather than selfish when he took responsibility for his personal feelings of safety, worth, lovability, happiness and joy, as opposed to making Wendy in charge of making him feel safe and worthy.

He learned that when he embraced the responsibility of listening to and taking responsibility for his own feelings, he no longer was feeling abandoned or angry.

Wendy learned that she had another option apart from compliance or opposition. She learned to take responsibility for her own feelings by telling Terence her truth when he yelled at her or blamed her. Rather than being a victim, she learned to stand up for herself and set loving limits on how Terence was treating her.

Nothing can damage a romantic relationship or marriage more quickly than jealousy. Jealousy creates stress, anger, loneliness, hate, and concerns. No one thinks clearly when jealous.

If you've encountered this in the past, make sure you're being responsible for your own feelings within your next relationship. Dating is challenging. And that's why you have dating experts like david de angelo to help you. The double your dating deangelo website has numerous solutions to a lot of of your dating problems.

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